In recent
times, it’s been from one marriage crash to another from celebrities to
non-celebrities. These stories make the news and when you dig deeper it boils
down to some fundamental issues that should be sorted without going public.
People go through worse things and don't go public.
This makes me
wonder if it’s actually possible to keep a marriage in this day and age.....
How did our parents do it? What did they
do differently?
I asked a few
people...
Have you ever gotten to a point
when you felt like quitting your marriage? How did you handle it?
YES!!! many times over!
I didn't anchor my decision to
stay in based on religion but for balance.
To raise kids, one needs a
balanced home with "overflowing" love, togetherness toppled with
spirituality.
I practice reflective thinking,
and that usually helps me go over any event preceding the
"quitting" thoughts, I find that there are other ways of handling the
issues and as such I calm down make notes and possibly adjustments especially when
I see I was at fault.
Also, I always think of the
kids and their welfare first over thoughts and pressures at those points when I
feel overwhelmed with marriage and it's attendant challenges.......(Mrs I)
Hmmmmmm... well I have never
gotten to that stage before but sometimes I just want to be left alone in my
own world and sometimes I just feel OMG! Must I be answerable to someone before
I take certain decisions?
We all have our weak points but
I haven't felt like walking away before. Perhaps this is because I married
an older person that just doesn't have my time when I start throwing tantrums,
I know I can be difficult sometimes 🤣😂. Quite honestly wisdom and
patience are key. A woman has to continually pray for wisdom to manage
the home. (Mrs F.K)
YES!!!
God actually intervened,
one I was out of a job and quite frustrated then, so the devil had a big
playground. I was short on cash, had low self esteem, tired, overwhelmed with
housework and life's issues.
Hubby himself became a tool in
the devil 's hand and was really frustrating, I wanted him to understand and he
just did not. I hated the shouts, snaps and anger bursts, I just kept getting
buried underneath all his shit. All I needed from him was just understanding,
patience ...... Love basically!
I wasn't getting all that and I
just turned to God. Not to report my marriage but just for the Peace I knew I
would get. That was one of the ways I got my groove back. Only God is capable
of giving you Joy. Happiness is what you alone can give yourself.
I got busy with activities that
were targeted at making me feel good about myself.
In short you owe yourself
happiness, I stopped burdening anyone with that .
At the end of the
day... Only a heart that knows Joy and finds happiness can truly love and
can be loved.
So, when he starts his tantrums
again ..... I just take my cover.... This soon will pass I tell myself and then
it does and then it starts and then I take cover again...... it's in circles😂 sad but this is who I married.
I am not perfect, I know, I
bothered myself a bit about the things I say or do that triggers the
tantrums...... sad but he would always be him and me ... me! So this is where
love comes to play......it’s the common ground. (Mrs F.B)
Quitting has never been an
option for me but have I gotten to a point when I felt very hurt?
Yes! Many times!
Have I gotten to a place where
I have been disappointed?
Yes!
Have I gotten to a place where
I have been furious?
Yes!
But from the very first day I
walked in, I knew I would never walk out by the grace of God....(Mrs F.O)
So far, NO! But I have learnt a
lot on the journey.
1. If you've just had a heated
argument/disagreement and he says he wants to take a walk. Try not to
discourage him, just let him be (and pray he does). He'll come back "saner”.
2. If he's on your side
against his family, don't bring them down verbally, he already got your back.
3. Everyone has a
weakness, try to help them get better. Don't unconsciously rub it
in.
4. When the other gets you
stuff, really appreciate (even if you don't). You get a chance later to air
your preference.......(Mrs B.J)
No!
But there have been trying
times. Last year, my hubby's company was affected so salary wasn't steady and I
wasn't working, just doing my small confectioneries and cakes business
plus I was pregnant. On New Year’s Day, I boiled white rice and made pomo
stew. :)
This would appear like a time
of suffering but for me I knew it was a phase and it would pass. It was tough
no doubt, I was tempted to think hubby wasn't good enough or couldn't provide
for his family as a minimum but I stayed prayerful. To God's glory things
turned around, I have a job now and things are looking up in my family.
Basically, the ability to
understand your partner and cover him up when you both know there is nothing is
key! Don't let the whole world know his shortcomings and be a very prayerful
woman. (Mrs V.O)
Keep your fingers crossed for
the second part with more enlightening life experiences and tips to keep your
head up!
Thanks Odun for this write up/research.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is an institution with various courses i must say and it is always good to borrow some courses outside of your department.
Reading all the various experiences above has enlightened me more about ways to approach certain situations.
May God help us all.
Well done Odunola for this impactful post. God bless you...
ReplyDeleteYou should write more....post more....impact more....
Hmm. Surely there are different approaches to handling similar problems. Thanks Odun for giving us more options with your survey.
ReplyDelete