In recent times, it’s been from one marriage crash to another from celebrities to non-celebrities. These stories make the news and when you dig deeper it boils down to some fundamental issues that should be sorted without going public. People go through worse things and don't go public.
This makes me wonder if it’s actually possible to keep a marriage in this day and age.....
How did our parents do it? What did they do differently?
I asked a few people...
Have you ever gotten to a point when you felt like quitting your marriage? How did you handle it?
YES!!! many times over!
I didn't anchor my decision to stay in based on religion but for balance.
To raise kids, one needs a balanced home with "overflowing" love, togetherness toppled with spirituality.
I practice reflective thinking, and that usually helps me go over any event preceding the "quitting" thoughts, I find that there are other ways of handling the issues and as such I calm down make notes and possibly adjustments especially when I see I was at fault.
Also, I always think of the kids and their welfare first over thoughts and pressures at those points when I feel overwhelmed with marriage and it's attendant challenges.......(Mrs I)
Hmmmmmm... well I have never gotten to that stage before but sometimes I just want to be left alone in my own world and sometimes I just feel OMG! Must I be answerable to someone before I take certain decisions?
We all have our weak points but I haven't felt like walking away before. Perhaps this is because I married an older person that just doesn't have my time when I start throwing tantrums, I know I can be difficult sometimes 🤣😂. Quite honestly wisdom and patience are key. A woman has to continually pray for wisdom to manage the home. (Mrs F.K)
God actually intervened, one I was out of a job and quite frustrated then, so the devil had a big playground. I was short on cash, had low self esteem, tired, overwhelmed with housework and life's issues.
Hubby himself became a tool in the devil 's hand and was really frustrating, I wanted him to understand and he just did not. I hated the shouts, snaps and anger bursts, I just kept getting buried underneath all his shit. All I needed from him was just understanding, patience ...... Love basically!
I wasn't getting all that and I just turned to God. Not to report my marriage but just for the Peace I knew I would get. That was one of the ways I got my groove back. Only God is capable of giving you Joy. Happiness is what you alone can give yourself.
I got busy with activities that were targeted at making me feel good about myself.
In short you owe yourself happiness, I stopped burdening anyone with that .
At the end of the day... Only a heart that knows Joy and finds happiness can truly love and can be loved.
So, when he starts his tantrums again ..... I just take my cover.... This soon will pass I tell myself and then it does and then it starts and then I take cover again...... it's in circles😂 sad but this is who I married.
I am not perfect, I know, I bothered myself a bit about the things I say or do that triggers the tantrums...... sad but he would always be him and me ... me! So this is where love comes to play......it’s the common ground. (Mrs F.B)
Quitting has never been an option for me but have I gotten to a point when I felt very hurt?
Yes! Many times!
Have I gotten to a place where I have been disappointed?
Have I gotten to a place where I have been furious?
But from the very first day I walked in, I knew I would never walk out by the grace of God....(Mrs F.O)
So far, NO! But I have learnt a lot on the journey.
1. If you've just had a heated argument/disagreement and he says he wants to take a walk. Try not to discourage him, just let him be (and pray he does). He'll come back "saner”.
2. If he's on your side against his family, don't bring them down verbally, he already got your back.
3. Everyone has a weakness, try to help them get better. Don't unconsciously rub it in.
4. When the other gets you stuff, really appreciate (even if you don't). You get a chance later to air your preference.......(Mrs B.J)
But there have been trying times. Last year, my hubby's company was affected so salary wasn't steady and I wasn't working, just doing my small confectioneries and cakes business plus I was pregnant. On New Year’s Day, I boiled white rice and made pomo stew. :)
This would appear like a time of suffering but for me I knew it was a phase and it would pass. It was tough no doubt, I was tempted to think hubby wasn't good enough or couldn't provide for his family as a minimum but I stayed prayerful. To God's glory things turned around, I have a job now and things are looking up in my family.
Basically, the ability to understand your partner and cover him up when you both know there is nothing is key! Don't let the whole world know his shortcomings and be a very prayerful woman. (Mrs V.O)
Keep your fingers crossed for the second part with more enlightening life experiences and tips to keep your head up!